Noise Pollution
by Santana2
Summary: Five times the team tried to get Tony Stark to shut up. And the one time it worked. T is for safety.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Because I really need to branch out to different fandoms, and this seemed like a good place to start. That and I've always wanted to do a '5timesplus1' story. Or whatever the technical term is .

Plus, I have a minor Iron Man obsession at the moment that needs to be addressed . . . and I think Stark eliciting violent tendencies in others is funny.

**Disclaimer:** Nope, just musing a little . . . and fan-girling a lot.

* * *

**Clint**

Clint was a patient man by nature. That was his job, after all, being a sniper/spy. Very little could rattle that patience, much less break it completely. _Very _little_._

Tony Stark, however, was the exception to many a rule.

They were both staring out the broken window of an exceptionally tall building when Clint happened to realize this.

"I'm certain that this is somehow your fault," that was about the fifth time Tony had said that as he continued to check the damage to his suit, "Great, even Jarvis is starting to blink out . . . left stabilizer's busted . . . I don't even think this chest-plate is _repairable_ –"

"Stop talking," Clint interrupted flatly. _Before I shoot you._ He knew he had some explosive arrows left.

Tony ignored him, "I mean seriously, you could've been a little faster with the save there. Would have saved me a _lot_ of extra time in the workshop . . . of course now you have given me the perfect excuse to get out of that stupid charity thing –"

"Stark –" _Shooting him would be too quick._

"But then Pepper will mad 'cause I skipped the last one –"

"I mean it, Stark –" _Really hope that suit's not too damaged._

"Nice, Barton, now I not only have to repair the suit, but my girlfriend is mad at me . . . what are you – _Barton_!"

Shoving Stark out the window wasn't Clint's most original idea, but it was still incredibly satisfying to hear Tony's _extremely_ girlish scream as he went down.

When Tony finally remembered he could fly, he was hovering in front of Clint again in an instant, "That was rude."

Clint sighed, "Just . . . stop talking."

Tony suddenly had a _way_ too cheerful expression, "But I've only just gotten started."

* * *

**Natasha**

Pepper should have been immune to shock by now, really.

Yet, somehow, walking in on the sight of Black Widow, on the floor of her living room, simultaneously straddling a panicking Tony and holding a frilly throw pillow to his face left Pepper a little speechless.

When Natasha saw the other red-head she merely growled, "It never _stops talking_." Her eyes were kind of dilated and she was breathing hard as Tony tried desperately to escape.

Well, if she couldn't be immune to shock, Pepper could pride herself on shaking it off quickly enough, "Just make sure he's conscious by eight. I don't care what he says; he's not missing this charity benefit."

The assassin gave her a jerky nod and pulled the pillow off Tony's face.

"_Seriously?" _Tony gasped, "The famous _Black Widow_ is trying to kill me _with a pillow_?" Said pillow was shoved back onto his face as Pepper walked out.

* * *

**Bruce**

"Bruce."

"I'm ignoring you Tony."

"But I'm _bored_." How he managed to make words have ten extra syllables, Bruce would never know. Bruce didn't answer.

The silence lasted all of two seconds.

"Bruce."

He took a deep breath, "Go play with your toys Tony."

"But –"

"No."

"I don't w –"

"_Tony,_" Tony opened his mouth again only for Bruce to slam his hand over it, "Shut up."

Tony glared over the other scientist's hand for a moment while Bruce savored the quiet. Then . . .

"_Ew!" _Bruce snatched his hand away as Tony cackled, "You _licked_ me? Seriously?"

Tony didn't stop laughing for three hours.

* * *

**Thor **

The god of thunder was usually the last person to fault anyone for being loud. Loud was one thing.

Stark was another.

How a mere Midgardian managed to hold that steady stream of nonsense in the middle of battle was beyond him. It was like a herd of Bilchsteim pounding in his head (and this wouldn't be a big problem if the Captain hadn't insisted he wear this blasted headset that let him hear, not only orders from the ground, but _everything else_).

Thor's irritation only came to a head after the fight was over, however. Frankly, he didn't think anyone could blame him for his actions.

"What's with you, Blondie?" Was Tony's greeting upon seeing Thor's scowl pointed at him.

He tried being nice (like Jane asked), he really did. Though, somehow, using the word 'please' around Tony Stark sets off some strange reaction within the man that resulted in another round of verbal abuse.

"You will leave my mother out of this Stark!" And with that Iron Man was hit with a particularly impressive bolt of lightning.

The rest of the team (sans the Hulk as they didn't actually know where he was; and it was probably a good thing he didn't just see Thor electrocute his favorite person) stood behind him. The Captain walked up to him with a sympathetic look, "You remember what happened last time you shocked his suit right?"

Thor thought for a moment . . . and immediately wanted to hit himself in the head with his own hammer.

As he saw Iron Man start to get up across the street, he could practically _hear _the smirk the man underneath probably wearing.

"I will never be able to outlive this, will I?" Thor asked Rogers mournfully.

"Afraid not, big guy."

* * *

**Fury**

"Director, a moment," Agent Hill's brisk tone sounded behind him and Fury turned.

"Something wrong, Agent?" Fury asked going back to the console in front of him.

"Sir, the basement crew is saying there are strange noises coming from one of the airtight vaults down there," She paused, looking at him with something akin to exasperation.

"And?" Fury glanced at her.

"And when I tried to open it to investigate, I found it was locked to anyone except for you," She was still staring at him.

He finally turned to look at her fully, "_And?_"

"_And_ when I checked the security feed inside the vault I found this," she thrust a tablet at him showing a video feed of one very irate (and, thankfully, suit-less) Tony Stark slamming his shoulder into the immovable door. There was no sound, but Fury could read lips well enough to know he was using some extremely colorful language. In several different languages.

"Director?"

Fury cleared his throat, "It's entirely possible Mr. Stark was _accidentally_ locked into one of the vaults."

Hill stared at him for a second, seeming unable to choose between anger and amusement, "Why exactly?"

"He _licked_ my hand, Agent."

Hill was staring again. Finally she shook her head and took the tablet back, "And should we discover this little mishap soon, sir?"

"I'd say he's got an hour's worth of air left," Fury replied turning away from her again.

" . . . Understood, sir."

* * *

**A/N:** I wrote this in a day, which worries me because I've never written anything good that fast before and I'm afraid my writing skills are pretty rusty (to put it lightly), so I'd appreciate constructive criticism.

But I hope you had fun with it, cuz I did. Except for Thor's part, that was . . . ugh . . .

I will post the 'one time it worked' hopefully before the week is out. It'll be less cutesy/funny (or what I think is funny, anyway) and a little more angsty (or what I think is angst, anyway). Please review!


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Thanks so much for the great response guys! I was really worried about this, and I'm so glad you liked it. Now, I hope you like this part, too. It's a lot longer than the others, because it inexplicably evolved from the sweet little two paragraphs deal in my head to . . . this.

Little note: for this, I'm working under the assumption that at least some of the Avengers live with Tony if only part-time. Even though that may _never _happen in the actual movies, it's just too fun an idea to pass up . . . not to mention convenient :P

**Disclaimer:** I don't own it, which is a good thing, or else there would never actually be a plot to anything.

* * *

Tony didn't laugh much. Not for real anyway.

He had plenty of jokes and antics for the press and the public and his friends (the few he would classify as such) to chuckle about, but the man himself rarely joined in whole-heartedly.

In fact, it took a month of knowing the man and living in his house (tower? mansion?) for Steve to even hear it.

It was Bruce that made it happen. It was breakfast (and Steve is still trying to figure out how they all started magically eating breakfast together with no one saying anything) and he and Bruce were wondering through the kitchen preparing their respective meals. Tony sat at the table with his usual cup of coffee and tablet in front of him, rubbing the sleep away from his face.

Bruce wandered behind the fellow scientist and glanced at the tablet. Steve didn't really hear what was said – it was probably some science joke he wouldn't understand any way – but was startled at the sudden loud "HA!" from the table. When he turned, box of cereal in hand, Steve saw Tony with one hand still over his face laughing tiredly at Bruce who was also grinning wider than usual.

Tony looked up to see Steve's deer-in-the-headlights expression and only laughed harder. Not at him . . . just because. It was infectious – that was the only explanation – as Steve and Bruce started laughing with him.

It was then that Steve started to see the resemblance.

* * *

It took even longer to hear Tony really talk.

Never let it be said that Tony Stark had any reserves when it came to talking. Banter was his specialty, almost more so than his engineering genius. He could twist a conversation and throw it back in the second party's face faster than anyone, and then leave said party confused as to what the conversation was about in the first place.

But it was rare to hear Tony speak without the edge of snark and mischievous undertones. Although, his voice seemed permanently laced with teasing, the billionaire did have the ability to communicate without the underlying hostility. Well, it came as a shock to Steve anyway.

Nevertheless, it came and at first it was strangely unnerving.

But now, sitting in Tony's over-the-top lab, watching him repair the arm of his Iron Man suit, it seemed perfectly natural.

"Honestly, Steve, when I said you should get out more, I didn't mean extending your morning jog," Tony said, continuing an argument that had gone on for a week now, "I was thinking more along the lines of getting yourself a lady-friend – Pepper and Natasha don't count," he pointed a screwdriver at Steve when the latter opened his mouth to object, "What I meant was to engage in a little _fondueing_ now and then."

Steve was shaking his head in exasperation, "I still can't believe he told you about that." 'Fondue' had officially become the unofficial code-word for Steve's non-existent dating life. Ever since Steve learned that Tony knew about that stupid misunderstanding with Howard, the super soldier's minor embarrassment had been enough to keep it in Tony's books for a while.

"Well, one of the few things Pops and I shared was Captain America," Tony muttered absently. It was unfortunate that Steve missed the bitter undertone.

"You know, it's strange," Steve mused after a moment, fiddling with a wrench on the table. He wasn't thinking really, just making conversation . . . a dangerous thing around this particular genius.

"What is?" Tony asked without looking up from his work.

"That you and Howard didn't get along better," Steve didn't see Tony's movements stop at that statement, "You're just like him."

That seemed to catch the junior Stark off-guard. He looked up at Steve rather abruptly, "How do you mean?"

The tone finally registered with Steve and he looked over at the man across from him, realizing too late he'd slammed right into no-man's land in conversing with Tony Stark. It was fine to mention Howard in passing, but anything deeper than that and the offender usually got chewed out.

"Well, um," Steve couldn't think of a good way to back-track. He didn't want to dig the hole any deeper . . . but Tony was watching him rather strangely, robotic arm on the table forgotten, like he really did want to know the answer. So, Steve gave it to him, "Well, it's just that you sound a lot like him," he chuckled, trying to keep his words light, "When you talk . . . it's funny 'cause I knew you were definitely Howard Stark's kid when I heard you talk . . ." his voice trailed off as he studied Tony's face which was suddenly unreadable.

The silence stretched into uncomfortable when Steve knew he'd really stuck his foot in his mouth, "Tony?" Unfocused brown eyes found their way back to him.

Tony seemed to suddenly remember Steve was there and smiled oddly. Steve looked on worriedly as the other glanced back at the table, at him, flicked to the door, and finally, without warning Tony stood up.

"Um, Tony?" Steve repeated.

Tony was half-way to the door when he turned back to look at Steve still sitting at the table. The former opened his mouth as if to speak, but closed it again pointing vaguely at the door and then disappeared through it.

Steve could only stare after him, blinking.

* * *

Tony barely spoke to anyone for days. It was incredibly unnerving, not just for Steve but everyone.

When Steve did finally hear Clint loudly telling Tony to shut up (_or I swear I'll make sure you hit the ground next time_) he was so relieved that he never mentioned the incident again, not even to ask what happened. Not that he hadn't pretty much figured it out on his own.

It just became a silent agreement.

* * *

**A/N:** I finally had to just bite the bullet and post this. I really hope Steve isn't as OOC as I think he is. Tony was supposed to be a little out of character there at the end, but I hope I got them both right for the most part.

Anywho, hope you liked it. I really like this archive and I might do more here if this goes well. Course, I should probably finish some of my other stuff first . . . yeah . . .


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